Alright…I know it’s been a while since I last posted something but I’ve been overwhelmingly busy for the past couple of weeks. Although it’s not a very good excuse, you had better accept it…or else. Sorry, that was the stress speaking.
In all seriousness, though, I have forgotten to write about any trivial observations for some time. In fact, forgetfulness seems to be a constant trend within daily life, especially during times of stress. It lurks around the corner, like a thief on the streets of New York, waiting to steal your ability to remember crucial bits of information. I personally get mugged by forgetfulness every day of the week…it’s absolutely horrible! Horrible, I tell you! There are bruises all over my ego…
Anyway, I’m certain that everyone has been a victim of forgetfulness at one time or another. Failing to recall a person’s name, leaving a certain item at home, or forgetting to wear underwear could initiate a dangerous chain of events. Symptoms might include a private (or absurdly public) moment of panic which usually results in high levels of anxiety, embarrassment, anger, and/or diarrhea. The latter result may present some issues for those who forgot to put on their underwear. Although these exact symptoms may not apply to you specifically, I think you understand the point – you will always be able to recognize when Mr. Forgetfulness has paid a visit.
I had such an experience just the other day. I was browsing the electronics section of the bookstore (at an unnamed university in the mountains of North Carolina) when I remembered that I needed batteries for my alarm clock. That very morning I arrived late to my exam – at the ungodly hour of 11:00 AM, I might add – so it was essential to wake up early the next day. After I found the appropriate pack of batteries, I was in the process of walking to the checkout counter when I saw it: the iPad. The bookstore must have just received a new shipment and set up a display table for people to test-drive the latest Apple product. Like a moth drawn to a porch light, I maneuvered my way to the iPad display table and began salivating over this new technological wonder. Minutes, hours, or weeks may have passed without my knowledge if I hadn’t glanced at my watch, realizing that I had a meeting in 20 minutes. Oooh! I gotta go, I thought, I’ll be back later, my beautiful iPad. Don’t you move an inch!
Two minutes later I was exiting the student union, ready to conquer the world (i.e. go to my meeting) and thinking about the love that I left behind in the bookstore. As I put on my sunglasses, I saw a flash of blue out of the corner of my eye. What the…oh shit.
Between the realization that I had just stolen a pack of batteries and the instinct to run like hell cam the terrifying thought of being chased and tackled by campus security. I didn’t do it! It wasn’t me! You’ve got the wrong guy…I’VE BEEN FRAMED!
Alright, slightly over-dramatized, but I did have a moment of panic during which paranoia took effect. I looked over my shoulder to see if anyone was following me or giving me the evil eye. Nope, no one was there…that I could see! Maybe I was surrounded and they were waiting for the right moment to apprehend me. I had to think of possible excuses for myself. Listen, I didn’t realize these batteries were in my hand. No, they’ll never believe that, it sounds too honest. I have a disability where I periodically lose control of my body… Yeah right, and my hand just happened to grab a pack of batteries without my knowledge? I don’t think so. Dime…Dime por qué! PORQUEEEE! Soy inocente! Um, yeah, maybe that would work…if I was in a telenovela! Jeez.
Without any good excuses and without attracting unnecessary attention by running like a maniac, I did what any rational human being would do: I accepted my newly acquired label as Battery Thief and I calmly walked away from the student union. Silver lining: I got a free pack of batteries! Not-so-Silver Lining: I just became a felon. The irony of the entire situation is that I forgot to pay for the batteries that were supposed to help me not forget about getting up early. I had to forget to not forget, therefore my thievery gets cancelled out...right? Right? Maybe everything balanced out in the end or maybe it's just wishful thinking. Regardless, I had to face the fact that I had been duped (yet again) by forgetfulness. The score for the day: Me – 0, Forgetfulness – 1. Crap.
Looking back, I probably could have handled the situation a little better. For example, I could have returned to the bookstore and just paid for the damn pack of batteries. Unfortunately, this obviously logical solution didn't occur to me at the time seeing that I was consumed by a strange mix of panic and excitement. Though I was turned into a thief by Forgetfulness, no one was injured, no lives were lost, and most importantly, no one knew what happened. I would like to leave it that way until this whole situation blows over. You know, to avoid jail and such. Hopefully by then, even I will have forgotten about this embarrassing debacle...
