.: Cuando En España :.

It’s been 10 days since I arrived in Madrid, Spain – and what a wonderful experience it has already been.  My mind is a bit confused (as is my digestive system) with everything that has happened in the past week and a half, so I will attempt to keep things cohesive and legible.

I didn't realize that it would be such a transition coming to Madrid.  Well, I knew, but I couldn't grasp it until I arrived and I started to hear Spanish spoken all over the place. Although I am fairly competent at the language, using it to communicate daily is something entirely different.  In the beginning of the trip, it was actually very tiring for my mind to constantly hear Spanish, especially since it's not my native tongue.  Upon waking up in the morning I had two recurring thoughts. First: Oh God, where the hell am I? Second: I haven’t even wiped the drool from my face and now I have to speak Spanish. Crap.  Nonetheless, after about a week of acclimation, I’ve found that this initial rejection of the language/culture faded and I have begun to embrace my new surroundings. Thankfully, I am able to understand people very well and I can speak more fluidly.

Many people have told me that Madrid is like the “New York" of Spain.That being said, I agree and disagree.  First, the city is much more expansive than New York, and requires you to be more physically fit.  The size of a Madrid city block is cunningly deceptive - larger than those of New York, but more pleasant to explore.  I could always take the metro though, which is surprisingly clean and easy to use.  Plus, I downloaded an application to my BlackBerry smart-phone that allows me to type in the metro stop names and then receive travel directions (Don't judge me. It’s not cheating, I’m just being resourceful).  As is true for any big city, there is the incessant pigeon dilemma - THEY ARE EVERYWHERE. Somehow the Madrid-pigeons seem to have endless bravery and they definitely have more "street cred" that their counterparts in New York. Just the other day I approached a pigeon that was slowly crossing the sidewalk, only to discover that it had a clubfoot. Nonetheless, it completed its journey to a pile of trash and began fighting with another pigeon for a delicious meal of scraps.  After seeing this,there is no telling what I will find in the upcoming weeks...

It is currently 7:00pm here and I am sitting on the balcony of my apartment.  It is located on Avenida del General Perón, 5 minutes from the gigantic Santiago Bernabéu soccer stadium.  The apartment is on the back side of the building and it overlooks a big courtyard, which could be described as quaintly unkempt, I guess.  Nonetheless, it is a lovable apartment with a great view of the street life down below.  During the evenings, around 8-9pm, you can hear someone playing a saxophone in the street. I don't know from where it comes, but I relish each note of the jazz instrument as they float through the various windows of the apartment...It's a very surreal experience.

Menchi is such a sweet, accommodating, and vivacious woman.  She lives by herself in the apartment but she has 6 grown children.  She is fashionable, progressive, and she loves to cook. In fact, Menchi used to own her own restaurant here in Madrid, making this house the best possible arrangement for lovers-of-food (in other words, me).  Of course, food is a major cultural focus and meals are often regarded as times when you can relax and enjoy your friends, family, etc. We usually eat lunch at around 2:30pm, followed by a siesta and then dinner at 9:30pm.

Amidst the excitement of living in another country for a month, I kind of forgot that I am here to study as well.  I am taking classes at La Fundación José Ortega y Gassett in the middle of downtown Madrid.  I feel very “metropolitan” every morning when I take the metro to school. Oooh, I think to myself, I’m using the metro to go to school. La-di-dah. No big deal. Just something I have to deal with…  I am taking two classes at the Fundación: Art In Spain and Advanced Conversation.  For the art class, we will be keeping journals about our excursions to different museums/towns and the architecture/art that we see in these different locations.  For the conversion class, we will be writing about our social and cultural observations while in Spain - something that obviously comes natural for me!

As of now, I am having a great time. Now that I have been here for a while, I have been able to somewhat establish a daily routine and I have been able to acclimate to my new environment.  Hopefully, the rest of the month will bring forth numerous opportunities and exciting adventures. I just have to remember to keep an open mind.  You know how the saying goes: CUANDO EN ESPAÑA! (When In Spain...)

.: Bienvenido A Madrid :.

It’s about 2:00pm and I am waiting at terminal C15 for my flight to Madrid. That’s right…I’m going to Spain for one month of cultural immersion! I should be extremely excited given the array of wonderful foods that the country offers, the beautiful attractions to see, and the vibrant culture of the Madrileño people. However, there is one small issue standing in my way – nerves. 

Now, I am not a novice to travel. I have been to the majority of the eastern Unites States as well as Italy. Although my travel experience may not be as rich as some others, there is no doubt that I know what I’m doing. Right? Well, not so much…I have never flown by myself within the states, let alone internationally.  The prospect of studying in another country overwhelmed any fears I had until I actually began the preparation process for my trip. One part of me knows that this will be a good experience, a time of personal growth.  The other part of me is struggling to keep my gastrointestinal system in check.

The purpose of this trip is for study and enjoyment. I am going with a small group of about 15-20 students from my university.  I’ll be taking two classes over the course of the month: a conversation class and an art class. Both should be absolutely awesome seeing that they are taught by professors that I have had during previous semesters at school.  I will be staying in the northern part of Madrid, near Santiago Bernabéu soccer stadium (Go Real Madrid!), with Señora Menchi Ubieta.  I also have a roommate who is from my university which is such a relief – now I can get lost and be confused with someone else instead of by myself. What a relief that will be.  In addition, throughout the month there will be weekend trips to different cities in Spain, including Toledo, Leon, Segovia, and Sevilla.

It’s now 2:30pm and my flight to Atlanta, GA has just arrived. After I arrive in Atlanta, I connect to my international flight, which will land in Madrid at 9:30am Tuesday morning.  Having to connect flights affords me a whole other set of travel anxiety: Will I get to my next flight on-time? Will there be dinner on the plane? Is my carry-on too big? What if my luggage is lost? WHAT IF I VOMIT DURING THE FLIGHT!?!?  Sorry…I got a little overexcited there. Nonetheless, any type of travel is stressful. You have to plan the trip, make flight arrangements, pack your luggage, arrive at the airport early (which is arguably the hardest part), use a foreign language (if applicable), etc…

In the end, I know that all this anxiety and preparation will pay off. Madrid will be a wonderful city and I will have a wonderful time – without getting mugged.  At least, that’s what I keep telling myself…

.: The Battery Thief :.

Alright…I know it’s been a while since I last posted something but I’ve been overwhelmingly busy for the past couple of weeks.  Although it’s not a very good excuse, you had better accept it…or else. Sorry, that was the stress speaking.

In all seriousness, though, I have forgotten to write about any trivial observations for some time.  In fact, forgetfulness seems to be a constant trend within daily life, especially during times of stress.  It lurks around the corner, like a thief on the streets of New York, waiting to steal your ability to remember crucial bits of information. I personally get mugged by forgetfulness every day of the week…it’s absolutely horrible! Horrible, I tell you! There are bruises all over my ego…

Anyway, I’m certain that everyone has been a victim of forgetfulness at one time or another. Failing to recall a person’s name, leaving a certain item at home, or forgetting to wear underwear could initiate a dangerous chain of events.  Symptoms might include a private (or absurdly public) moment of panic which usually results in high levels of anxiety, embarrassment, anger, and/or diarrhea. The latter result may present some issues for those who forgot to put on their underwear.  Although these exact symptoms may not apply to you specifically, I think you understand the point – you will always be able to recognize when Mr. Forgetfulness has paid a visit.

I had such an experience just the other day.  I was browsing the electronics section of the bookstore (at an unnamed university in the mountains of North Carolina) when I remembered that I needed batteries for my alarm clock. That very morning I arrived late to my exam – at the ungodly hour of 11:00 AM, I might add – so it was essential to wake up early the next day. After I found the appropriate pack of batteries, I was in the process of walking to the checkout counter when I saw it: the iPad. The bookstore must have just received a new shipment and set up a display table for people to test-drive the latest Apple product.  Like a moth drawn to a porch light, I maneuvered my way to the iPad display table and began salivating over this new technological wonder.  Minutes, hours, or weeks may have passed without my knowledge if I hadn’t glanced at my watch, realizing that I had a meeting in 20 minutes. Oooh! I gotta go, I thought, I’ll be back later, my beautiful iPad. Don’t you move an inch!

Two minutes later I was exiting the student union, ready to conquer the world (i.e. go to my meeting) and thinking about the love that I left behind in the bookstore.  As I put on my sunglasses, I saw a flash of blue out of the corner of my eye. What the…oh shit.

Between the realization that I had just stolen a pack of batteries and the instinct to run like hell cam the terrifying thought of being chased and tackled by campus security.  I didn’t do it! It wasn’t me! You’ve got the wrong guy…I’VE BEEN FRAMED! 

Alright, slightly over-dramatized, but I did have a moment of panic during which paranoia took effect.  I looked over my shoulder to see if anyone was following me or giving me the evil eye. Nope, no one was there…that I could see!  Maybe I was surrounded and they were waiting for the right moment to apprehend me.  I had to think of possible excuses for myself.  Listen, I didn’t realize these batteries were in my hand. No, they’ll never believe that, it sounds too honest.  I have a disability where I periodically lose control of my body… Yeah right, and my hand just happened to grab a pack of batteries without my knowledge? I don’t think so.  Dime…Dime por qué! PORQUEEEE! Soy inocente! Um, yeah, maybe that would work…if I was in a telenovela! Jeez.

Without any good excuses and without attracting unnecessary attention by running like a maniac, I did what any rational human being would do: I accepted my newly acquired label as Battery Thief and I calmly walked away from the student union.  Silver lining: I got a free pack of batteries! Not-so-Silver Lining: I just became a felon.  The irony of the entire situation is that I forgot to pay for the batteries that were supposed to help me not forget about getting up early.  I had to forget to not forget, therefore my thievery gets cancelled out...right? Right?  Maybe everything balanced out in the end or maybe it's just wishful thinking.  Regardless, I had to face the fact that I had been duped (yet again) by forgetfulness.  The score for the day: Me – 0, Forgetfulness – 1. Crap.

Looking back, I probably could have handled the situation a little better.  For example, I could have returned to the bookstore and just paid for the damn pack of batteries.  Unfortunately, this obviously logical solution didn't occur to me at the time seeing that I was consumed by a strange mix of panic and excitement.  Though I was turned into a thief by Forgetfulness, no one was injured, no lives were lost, and most importantly, no one knew what happened.  I would like to leave it that way until this whole situation blows over. You know, to avoid jail and such.  Hopefully by then, even I will have forgotten about this embarrassing debacle...

.: Elevator Etiquette :.

Elevators are wonderful inventions. If you feel like resting your weary legs after a hard day of work, the set of stairs to your apartment may seem insurmountable.  "Ah-HA!" you suddenly remember, "I can take the elevator all whilst using minimal effort and maximum laziness!" (Don't worry, I'm not judging anyone. I'm just pointing out the facts...)

Whatever your reasons may be for taking the elevator, there is a unique (and assuredly unintended) set of guidelines which should be followed at all times.  Unfortunately, I know few of these rules. However, through my various elevator exploits, I have come to realize that there are four main categories of riders who frequent these wonderful machines.

CATEGORY 1: "The Closer"    This delightfully condemning term refers to individuals, such as myself, who frantically attempt to close the door of an elevator before anyone else can enter.  Where this apparent fear of fellow riders originated, I've not a clue.  What I do know, however, is the feeling of relief and satisfaction as the lift doors close, leaving me alone with four walls and six florescent light bulbs as companions. On a positive note, many Closers have honed their reflexes to the point where they can rapidly press the "close door" button with exceptional speed.

CATEGORY 2: "The Conversationalist"   This individual will needlessly initiate small talk (or in the worst-case scenario, a conversation), subjecting any trapped elevator riders to seconds of excruciating friendliness.  Although this type of elevator rider may seem harmless, do not be fooled by their cunning wit and distracting banter. If you are not careful, you may be lured into a seemingly-important conversation, only to realize that you have missed your stop on the 10th floor.  Furthermore, people who ride the elevator cab be preoccupied with their cellphones, late for an important meeting, suffering from a debilitating injury, or simply resting their legs.  In other words, they might not be receptive to friendly banter.

CATEGORY 3: "The Looker"   This category of elevator rider tends to mimic the frenzied behavior of Chicken Little (who constantly fears that the sky is falling down). Deranged and erratic looks as well as awkward body movements are common characteristics of such an individual. Left, right, up down, diagonal, rectangle - there's no telling in which direction this person will look.  But do not be alarmed - the Looker is most always harmless and will extract themselves from the stifling elevator atmosphere upon arrival to their floor.

CATEGORY 4: "The Dasher"  You can find this character waiting anxiously in front of any elevator door, anticipating the right moment rush onto the elevator to claim a spot within.  These passengers can be quite tenacious and will let nothing obstruct their path, including injured war veterans, babies in strollers, or those who blog about mundane, daily occurrences. These individuals are commonly, but not always, cross-categorized with "closers" and can vary widely in age.

As our journey through the World of Elevator Etiquette comes to a close, it is important to remember that some lift passengers can be selfish and stubborn, especially when a private or speedy elevator ride is at stake. However, there is hope!  Perhaps this entry will prompt any offenders to reform their habits and heed the guidelines of elevator etiquette (as for the author's habits, all methods of reform have been unsuccessful...)  Nonetheless, I hope that you are now aptly prepared to handle any situation that comes your way...in regards to elevators of course.  Just remember to be cautious - it's a wild world out there.

.: Welcome to the World of Triviality :.

Hello there...my name is Mr. Anonymous and I am delighted that you have stumbled upon my humble blog.

Why this endeavor is entitled "The Adventures of Mr. Anonymous" you might ask? Well, ever since I can remember, I have found that I enjoy observing the world as it unfolds before me...anonymously, of course.  As well, I have always taken notice of the various peculiarities which characterize humanity: the manner in which someone walks; the facial expressions of a passing individual; the obvious panty-line of the woman standing in front of me...

Needless to say, I do not intend to convey infinite wisdom nor do I intend to transcribe a highly-regarded novel.  I do, however, enjoy emphasizing the irony in life...for better or for worse.

Perhaps, then, you will join me on this journey through the wonderful World of Triviality - a world were the mundane is exalted and the seemingly-unimportant is cherished.  We are, after all, only human...